No Santa Here…

Building a little from my last post regarding honesty, I wonder how people feel about Santa, the Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, etc.  I know that in these things I stand apart from most of the crowd because I won’t lie to my children about them.  I tell them the truth.

Now some may argue that I am taking away some vital part of their childhood by doing so, but I disagree.  They still get presents and enjoy the wonder of the holiday season.  We still color eggs and go on hunts for them.  I still pay them for their teeth.  I just couldn’t bring myself to lie to them about it.

I remember figuring out Santa when I was about 5 or 6 and asking my mom about it.  The betrayal and loss of trust I felt has stayed with me.  All the adults I knew and loved, even strangers, were in on this big lie that children were supposed to buy into.  What else were they lying about to children?  I lost a lot of trust in adults.   Because of that, I promised myself at that young age that I would not lie to my kids, that they would be able to trust my word.

I respect other parents’ rights to teach their children as they see fit, and I discuss that with my own children, how it is not their place to tell anyone else what they know about these social icons.  I tell them that just like it is the other children’s parents’ place to teach them about sex or religion or what words are “bad” to use, it is also their parents right to teach them as they see fit about holidays.  So far it has worked out fairly well.

In the greater scheme of things, I hope it has also allowed my children to trust what I tell them to a greater degree, because they know that I do stand up to the bulk of society in being honest with them.  I hope, too, that it has given them more trust in my belief in God and religion because I can look them in the eye and tell them I have never lied to them about the existence of Santa or the Tooth Fairy, but I do know that God is real.  Now I’m not here to push my beliefs on anyone one else, but in my situation and with my beliefs,  I know honesty has been the way to go with my own children, and in life.  It is something I have thought about at length and often.  I choose honesty.

Too Honest?

Just a little Monday morning musing here: What is “too honest”?  I am a firm believer in honesty.  Yes, sometimes it is hard to deal with the consequences of my words or actions, but I’d rather deal in honesty than deceit.  As I tell my kids, “Just tell the truth and deal with what comes.”

Isn’t that why most lies are told anyway, in an effort to avoid something, or maybe gain something?  If you are avoiding something, my experience tells me that it will catch up eventually, and almost always be much worse when it does.  It is far better to take it when it is freshly earned.  If you are trying to gain something through a lie, isn’t that just a fancy way to steal?  I wonder if other people see it that same way, as theft compounded with dishonesty.

So what is it to be too honest?  “The truth only hurts when it should” is a phrase I picked up years ago and I am not sure to whom credit should be given.  It is a helpful, motivating thought when tempted to be dishonest to avoid some discomfort.  Taken to the extreme, one might try to use it to justify using a “truth” to hurt someone else with personal opinion, such as calling attention to a fault in another.  But, in that case, I think the governing principles would be to not deliberately cause harm as the primary motivation of an action, and simply, to not judge others.  So if you are not using the “truth” as an excuse to say something hurtful or judgmental, is there really such a thing as being too honest?  Hmm…