Dare to Get What You Want

I see an epidemic among women.  It is so sad, and yet so preventable.  What is it?  It’s the idea that if “they -really- loved you, they’d know what you want and get it for you making your birthday or Christmas perfect.”  Well guess what?  People do not, and cannot, no matter how much they love you, read minds.  All the hints in the world will backfire because people tend not to have a pen and paper to jot each little hint down, nor do they have your insight as to how you’d rank all the items you hint at wanting.

I grew up with my dad asking me and my sister if my mom had said anything to us about what she wanted.  He tried so hard to please her, but he needed more than a hint.  It was never about if he loved her enough to get her what she wanted.  It was simply lack of information.

Let me say this loud and clear: No matter how much someone loves you, they cannot, and never will, read your mind.  You are doomed to disappointment if you don’t change your tactics.

I like to be surprised.  I think most people do when it comes to presents.  So why not make a list of multiple things that you would love to get, including details like color choices and sizes (think idiot-proof), and then the surprise will be which thing on your list they surprise you with.  Or, they may be creative and use your list to expand upon a theme.

I know there is risk in asking for what you want, with no ambiguity.  If they fail to get you what you ask for, it is hard to reason it away like you could if “maybe they just didn’t hear your hint”.  But why not assume the best of the other person’s intentions and give yourself the gift of the chance of getting something you really want.  And give the other person the gift of not making them jump through flaming hoops and still failing.

Day Five of Gratitude

As far back as I can remember, I never had my heart set on a big diamond ring when I got engaged or wanted to drive an expensive car or live in a fancy house.  I disliked soap operas and “romance” novels because I felt they gave a person a taste for drama, false expectations of how the world and relationships should be, and if people had just told the truth in the first place and dealt with the consequences, most of the drama would have been avoided anyway.

When my family moved overseas we were very limited by space and weight for what we could bring with us.  It was a chilly day like today when I sat outside watching the garage sale my parents had to help get rid of the excess before the move.  We put some things in storage.  I remember being so torn about what to bring and what to leave in storage.  While overseas, I learned how very blessed I am and how little so many others have by comparison.  When we came back about two years later I wondered why I had even kept most of what I stored.  I had been fine without it obviously.  That whole experience taught me a lot about “things” and “stuff” and about how little a person really needs.

I think I have saved a lot of money through the years on things that truly do not matter.  I loved my used subcompact car that got great gas mileage.  I’ve never really cared about brand names much, except for a choice few like CocaCola and quite a few Proctor and Gamble items.  There have been times when I was very, very poor and I learned what things I could do without or weren’t worth paying extra for a name brand.  I’m not going to argue over which brands are worth the extra money since that is personal choice, but for me, generic worked just fine in most cases.  While the lessons were learned when I had very little money to spend, it carries over to now when we are doing a little better, so we are still saving a little money on some things.

My mother once lost the diamond out of the setting on her ring when I was young.  I remember going back to all the places we had been that day, looking through vacuum bags full of debris.  I remember how sad she seemed and how we couldn’t make it better.  As I grew, all the stories of people losing their rings down drains or lost in other ways melded with the earlier experience to form a lack of want.  I didn’t want something so expensive and hard to replace and yet so easily lost.  I am content with a simple band.  If money is going to be spent, I’d rather not wear it around and possibly lose it.  I’d rather go on a trip or get a nice computer or something practical.

So for Day Five of my 21 Days of Gratitude I am thankful for my lack of wanting.  Some might call it practicality or something else, but whatever it is, I am grateful that I am truly content to have less than I could have and that I can thereby share more than I’d be able to otherwise.  I am grateful that no matter how little I have, or because of it, there is always enough to share.

To Etsy and Online Store Owners:

I am new to Twitter but through it I found Etsy.  Rather, I should say that through the links on people’s Twitter profiles I found Etsy.  Now that I know the site is there I look for tweets from people I follow about what new things they are listing.

If a person just talks about what they have to sell, I doubt I would follow them, or read their tweets even if I did follow them.  But to follow a person with something to say that I enjoy reading and then find out they have items that I might like up in Etsy is a treat.  Every single one of my favorite Etsy shops belongs to someone I first followed on Twitter.

I’m probably not the norm out there, but I think that if you have an Etsy or online shop, you should be on Twitter.  I want to know if someone is listing something I like.  I want to “know” the person who is making those items the way you can get to know a person through their tweets.  Brick and mortar stores train their employees to try to create a personal connection with the customer to bring in repeat sales.  Through Twitter, that personal connection is already progressing by the time someone follows your profile link to your shop or blog.  And odds are, if I choose to follow you, I like what you have to say, how you say it, and I am likely your target market.

So be on Twitter.  Talk about what you are making, if you are stuck naming it, share some in-progress pics, and be a real person with a real life (not 100% about what you have to sell) and I will be more likely to part with my real money.

Names Matter

I was out and about today and did some screen shopping online, too.  I noticed something about myself that made me look inside and examine further.

Names are pivotal.  I am -much- more inclined to buy something if I like the name.  I’m not talking just about “brand names” like Coke (though they certainly fall on my “buy” list), but every name or label attached to a product.  The name of the product, of the color, of the style, the flavor, scent, nearly every name associated with an item.

There are certain things in life that fall on the spectrum from like to love for me and if the name of something relates to things I love, the chances I’ll buy it go way up.  Names related to my favorite people and places and colors get top honors.

Conversely, I found myself putting things back from my cart or virtual cart if a name associated with it had to do with things I do not like or possibly detest.  Even things I really liked for their own merits remained at the store if the name was distasteful to me.  Names related to people, places, colors, etc. that I don’t like have a tough time getting my money.

I’d bet there are plenty of market researchers out there who have figured this out already on a grand scale, but today I examined my own motives and tendencies.  I also noticed there are some issues that I thought I was beyond, but I now see there are echoes alive and well.